14/09/2016

It stops being fun when it’s forced

its-all-downhill-from-here

Have you ever felt like this?

When I was younger I loved writing. I was happy to note down all my little thoughts and every single poem, as long as it was on my terms. The moment someone would tell me I HAD to write something, I would sit and stare at a blank page, putting an enormous amount of pressure on myself to make what they wanted perfect. I hated that stress.

I followed my heart and did what I loved most through all of my education – English and Media for GCSE and A Levels, and eventually Creative Writing and Journalism at university – but it wasn’t long before I started to dislike the fixed syllabuses. Then the moment the lecturers said “you have to start a blog and post on it for a few weeks and do a presentation about it for an assignment” my heart literally sunk.

Unwillingly I obliged but started without any thought about the kind of content I wanted to create, or the direction I wanted to take it, because as far as I was concerned I was only doing it for a grade. It was a damn good grade though, and the feedback from my lecturer suggested I continue with that blog, so I tried to keep it up. It wasn’t long before I gave up though, because whole thing had been, in my eyes, had the fun taken away by the fact I didn’t start it by choice.

After graduation, I spent ages trying to find a reason why I might want to blog, but was far too disheartened about my struggle to find a step towards a career job. Ironic really because if I had a blog it would have been far easier – catch 22 or what. Between job hunting, and trying to force myself to start a blog I’d stick with, my love for writing was slowing diminishing and I was starting to question whether I had been making the right decisions.

I tried and tested different blog names and started a whole load of blogs after not being able to continue with the first one I had so much self-doubt in my ability to continue to write content at the rate I needed.

A year and a bit, plus multiple breakdowns, later, I’ve bought and changed my domain three times (this one I’m sticking with!), rekindled the love that I had for writing and made some amazing friends including Char, Georgina and Angi, and bumped into Jasmine quite a few times as well.

I totally stand by trying to avoid giving up on something that you love doing, it’s not fun when you try and force it. Cliché but if it’s meant to happen then it will. Trust me, you don’t need the added pressure. For me, it ‘only’ took a few years but I can finally say I’m totally happy with how everything has turned out.

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Well, hi there!

I’ve never been one for ‘about me’ pages so let's keep it short and sweet: I'm 25 (so I guess you could assume I'm going through a quarter-life crisis), London-based, love food, oh, and partial to a rum-based drink... or just the rum tbh.